Work week Top Seven or Why I love going to work everyday!

I work in a locked psych facility...I hear things that could make a sailor blush, a nun curse and myself almost cry from holding back the laughter. It is a hard job, don't get me wrong...but it is a rewarding job like no other. Nothing makes me smile more or my heart swell like a moment of connection with someone who is so far into their own head that they barely know who they are...it is an awesome feeling. Today, I am going to share with you the top seven funny things (can't remember ten) I have been told or overheard this week...(confession...a couple may be older, but most are this week).

7. Residents discussing a recovery meeting, a female resident says, "I need to go to the recovery meeting...I am recovering from being an asshole." Male resident, "Everyone has something to overcome."

6. Resident to staff..."I don't want to live here anymore!" Staff, "Why?" Resident, "Cause these people are fucking crazy!"

5. "Why do men have nipples?" "I don't know, why?" "So they can keep their eyes on you."

4. "Nurse, can you help me with my shoes? I am not pregnant, just too fat."

3. "I am General MacArthur." "Can I be Truman?"

2. "I almost didn't see you sitting there..." "It's because I am invisible."

1. To his psychiatrist today...(my personal fave)...."You, sir, are not a doctor...you are a psychotic!!!!" Slam (office door)

I will try to improve my memory...and will post some staff-to-staff overhears as well, I hope you laughed at least one...and know that I am sharing these with a heart full of love, not criticism. My residents are some of the greatest people I know...and I would bring many home if I could. I felt so blessed this week when I was charting and one of our quieter ones got my attention and said, "Jungle G*, I love you." Heart melted then and there. Have a great week, I know I will.

*Not my real name.

My oh My...where has the time gone or What have I been doing with my life?

Where to begin...I have finished with my schooling...for the moment and am currently working full time, again, finally and thankfully. Krash is as wonderful as ever and so supportive of life's changes, not sure about that second part, but I am going with it. I have joined a "Fitness Center" and I am actually going...amazing I know. I am hoping to get back to this blog and being a contributor on my friends on occasion. Enough of that...let's share some of the fun details...

I passed the state boards in June and I am now a Certified Nursing Assistant, step one in a list of many, I know. I am working in a locked psychiatric long-term care facility...I see so much material in my future. Most of my co-workers are as crazy as I am...I think we are just learning the system for future residency. I think I may be engaged as I was purposed to by a male resident in the shower during my second week. I will keep you posted about any wedding details as I get them.

I have dyed my hair dark, got a brand new tattoo last week and have decided that, with Krashes' final approval of course, that I am going to try this relationship crap again...nothing crazy, no Internet dating or singles groups...just being more open to the world around me and see where it goes. I have a few prospects at the moment...no rush, no worries.

I have been having more fun than a person should be allowed with my amazing friends and awesome family...so I have not been sitting idle...or behaving for that matter. I hope that this gets everyone caught up...and please stay tuned for there will be a "Notes from the Nuthouse" header soon.

Krash and the Dragon or the perfect pet...for your pet.

We got a Bearded Dragon...yes, the big lizard that hulks out when angry. I thought the dog would find it about as interesting as the Hermit Crabs...intrigue for about an hour...boredom ever since.

WRONG!

When we brought the Dragon, Eddie Lizard, home...no interest. Then we put the Dragon in its habitat...psycho dog. Licking, sniffing, growling and barking at the aquarium. Then scratching at the glass...whining...licking. I am sure you get the idea. The best part was when the Dragon and Krash were licking one another through the glass...weirdos.

Later, I was doing dishes (exciting for you? yeah me too) and Tall Boy was watching some T.V., Krash started nosing through his toy box...grabbed his snowman and ran down the hall and offered it to the Dragon. I heard him barking his I-am-not-getting-what-I-want-bark and shortly there after he brought the snowman to me. I have gone on the assumption that the Dragon did not accept this gift. Poor boy.

This fascination continues...when the Dragon is fed, Krash is there...when the Dragon is in the habitat Krash is fascinated...take the Dragon out, no interest. Well, except for the time when we accidentally turned the Dragon loose in the backyard, Krash was pretty interested then. I am sure he was calling us idiots. We got the Dragon back...but that's another story for another night.

They have been living happily ever-after, unfortunately we can't say the same for the crickets.

Happy Mothers Day, Again or Isn't this supposed to be me?

This is Mothers day, correct? I know it was when I got up this morning. I believe it to be an all day event, or am I wrong? If this is Mother's day, then why isn't this me?









I guess Mothers day has turned into "Dogs day". I know what Krash would say,"Everyday is dogs day, mommy. Everyday."


He might also wonder if there are any donuts left over from breakfast...and I would have to say,"You snooze you lose."

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

This is best wishes for the day bestowed upon all you moms out there. Human moms, dog moms, cat moms, horse moms...this could go on forever. It takes a lot to be a mom...no matter if your child is animal, vegetable or mineral. Let's be honest I have seen "real" children that fall in all of those categories. Actually, a few might be all three.

I have had many a debate with moms about how much easier it is to be a dog mom, than it is to be a "real" mom. I see their side...I am not claiming it's easy...ever. I can leave my "kid" home alone for days and no one would call CPS, I can lock my "kid" out of the house without much consequence...we all know mine "lives" in the closet. How much trouble could that get you into?

I just want to take a few minutes to plead the case of a dog mom...that was not my intention when I started this post, however this is where I have ended up. Here goes...you have potty training...we have housebreaking...you have trips to the doctor for shots and check ups...we have those same trips...I have spent time in the doggy ER...awaiting the news. I know you moms have too. We all have a lot of the same trouble finding sitters and wondering what kind of mess we will come home to...

This is were the paths diverge...your child learns to feed itself...clean up after themselves...learns to tell you where it hurts and just exactly what they did to end up in that predicament...dog moms are mothers to permanent toddlers. They reach a certain skill level* and that's it...my kid will never start dinner before I get home...run to the store to pick up milk for breakfast. I will never get mine to make the bed, do the laundry or talk to "Grandma" while mommy is busy.

The worst part, that so often gets overlooked, is the life expectancy of my child is no where the length of yours. I know going in that our time together will be short...at the age of three mine is an adult, by seven middle-aged headed for senior citizen. I know that when he leaves there will be an empty spot in my life that will be hard to fill...most of you will be blessed with lifetime with your child. I pray that your children are happy and healthy...with many years ahead.

Again, this isn't me saying that "real" moms have it easy or that "real" moms aren't the greatest. I have a lot respect for you women who choose to do a job that I chose not to. It's like my niece-in-law told my mother at her 70th birthday party, "Do you realize that without you 75% of us in this room wouldn't be here?" She was right.

*Yes, I know there are service dogs...but that's not what I am writing about. Although, let's give the foster families that work with them in the beginning a huge round of applause.

He thinks he's Goldilocks...or who has been telling him bedtime stories?

I have really started to have some concerns about my dog and his "imagination". I don't think he's crazy, although I am sure I am. I spend a lot of quality time with my boy...he is very good at listening (or pretending to at least)...so I often tell him stories. He sits next to me on the sofa and I tell him a story, see I am crazy. I usually tell him only a certain part of Little Red Riding Hood. This started for two reasons, one is because I am often asked, "Is that a wolf?" I always giggle and say no. Two, when he is with his Gra-nanny (Gramma/Nanny) he often gets almost nose to nose with her in her recliner and when she has on her glasses...well it's just to much like the drawings in Little Red. This is how "our story" usually goes...

Me: Krash, my what big ears you have. Now, you say...All the better to hear you with.

Krash: Love and adoration from those eyes...

Me: Krash, my what a big nose you have. Now you say...All the better to you smell you with.

Krash: Love and adoration from those eyes...

Me: Krash, my what big eyes you have. Now you say all the better to see you with.

Krash: Love and adoration from those eyes...

Me: Krash, my what big teeth you have. Now you say...RRRAWRRR and bite

Krash: ...tries to bite me...

I guess in actuality it is less of a story and more of a conditioning or trick. It is always Little Red Riding Hood and nothing else...this brings me to the problem. I know the above is probably a problem, however it is not the one we are focusing on.

He is turning into, I guess has always been, Goldilocks. He is all about beds...any bed, anywhere, anytime. I don't mean dog beds, I am talking about people beds. He gets in my bed, my mothers' bed, my sisters' bed, he got in the bed in the big rig...beds, beds, beds. I took him to my brothers house, within fifteen minutes he was in his bed. He doesn't really stay long, but he tries them all out. I took him to my nieces', when we she was keeping people hidden for the surprise party...six air mattresses...Krash tried them all. Sound like a little blonde girl? HHHMMMM...

As I have stated earlier, my nephew is now staying/living with us...well, we finally got him a bed. No more air mattress...yes, Krash tried that out too. We moved the mattress into Tall Boys room (he is 6' 5") and before we could even get sheets on it, Krash was in it. Tail wagging, big smile, trying out another one. Tall Boy doesn't care and neither do I...we just wonder,

"Who told him about Goldilocks?"

Therapy for the dog or should it be for me?

Okay, okay we all know I adore my boy...but I think he is having an identity crisis...I think it could be my fault...this is where the title question comes into play. Krash is Pembroke Welsh Corgi and Australian Cattle Dog (aka Queensland Heeler...what ever, I prefer ACD) and a small dash of Husky...only enough for vocal sassing. My point, yes I do have one, is Cattle dog. Corgis' are herders of cattle, Cattle dogs are herders of cattle (my goodness, it's right in the name), so why o why does mine herd birds? And Raccoons? Cats?

We have been going to Dog Beach on Thursday nights, about 10:30 pm and my boy has almost drowned himself twice each trip trying to catch seabirds...I mean waves crashing over his head and he keeps going. Have I mentioned that Krash is that-don't-get-my-face-wet-kid-in-the-pool kid, he doesn't want to be splashed either...he usually avoids the waves. About a month ago he treed two raccoons in our backyard, you have probably read the skunk incident and I pity the ducks and geese at the lake. (He will "herd" people that are playing with him and has gotten pretty good with body shots to the knees.) Boozey the cat sometimes gets an escort down the hall...often with his head in Krashes' mouth. OY!

Today, he really did it. We have a couple of birds as "pets". The last of two white doves and a Love bird, named Chatter. Krash keeps a watchful eye and has kept them alive and safe from local predators. Well, the bird keeper left the door open on the doves cage, again (this happened twice before...one has never been seen again and the other came back after a day). The dove apparently came back today, I was unware...but Krash new.

I was scooping the poop on the side of the house (want to stay grounded, get a dog) when Krash came tearing around the house with something white in his jaws...

Me: "What did he unstuff, now?" Three seconds, "Oh shit, drop that bird" "Drop it, drop it!"

The neighbors came running! Krash dropped it, surrounded by a plethora of white feathers.

Krash:"Look, Mommy. I got the bird, he left but I got him back."

The bird is safe...surprisingly no blood...just a few, okay several feathers missing. I guess that's one way to clip his wings. Krash is now very confident in his skills...when I approach the cage...I get this...

Krash: "See Mommy, the bird is here. Bird in cage. I is a good boy...give me cookie...good boy...I get cookie."

This is the scary part...the capture of the bird was witnessed. Krash jumped and grabbed the bird off a low hanging branch. Jumped, grabbed and proceeded to run like a maniac with a bird in his mouth. He is not a BIRD dog...he is supposed to be a CATTLE dog...why doesn't he know this...???